A long overdue update: Lately, my life has been people, people, people. Dating, networking, community building. Forcing me out of my typical observer, introspective role and into action and interaction. It's overwhelming and exhausting, but I've found myself saying "Why the heck not?!" a lot more to the part of me that analyzes every angle before I make a decision. It's a daily battle, but this move has allowed me to put into practice all those lessons I learned in LA. Isn't that the best part of change? Shakes everything upside down so you have no choice except to reevaluate and make it happen. Or live in a box. But box living is a little too claustrophobic.
“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” - Henry Ford
One LA lesson came in the form of my boss's favorite contribution to meetings that we can only do well in 2 of 3 areas at once: quality, time, or cost. I get it, we can't have it all. It doesn't work. Unless you're superhuman. Which life has proven to me time and time again that I am not. Dang. Instead, I'm a high quality, low cost girl every day, all the time. Perfectionism. My eternal burden! Translation: I don't make decisions quickly. I prefer to focus my attention. Apply to my dream job, develop one relationship with one guy, build one new friendship at a time... Take my time in choosing, so I only spend time on the people I really want in my life and cut the crap. But starting back at zero - literally living back in my childhood home - makes moving quickly just a little more important. At least for now!
Trusting myself has also become a reoccurring theme. Every day, we're missing out on things because of decisions we make. It's scary. Those terrible "what if's"... If you say yes to everything, you're still missing out on what may have happened if you said no. Yes, there are positives to saying no. And visa versa. Don't think about it too hard or you'll go crazy. I've been there. It tends to ruin my day. But then I have moments of throwing thought to the wind. I remember coming out of my apartment in LA for a first date I was low-level dreading (I need to get out more and enjoy a casual date. I'm trying.), and saw him leaning on the back of his white mustang. Bang! I was head over heels. He did absolutely nothing. I already knew what he looked like, and I hadn't even walked close enough to say hi. It will always be one of the weirdest moments of my life. I doubt it will ever happen again in quite the same way. It's like God knew we needed to be in each other's lives and I was too stubborn to ever be open without a hit to the head, or in this case, the heart. If I hadn't gone a little out of my box, I would never have experienced that feeling. And so San Francisco is my manifestation of that lesson.
No is still a very real word in my vocabulary, but just because I know what I want doesn't mean I can't add in a few side projects here and there to add spontaneity. Balance is the only way to survive. I like my focus. It's me. It's how I function best. Putting myself out there for dates, for networking, for friends... I'm realizing you have to sort through a lot of dirt to find the gold, but if I never look, I'll never discover. Not every person I invest time in is going to stay in my life: an incredibly hard lesson for me. Time is my most valuable commodity - I'd rather spend more of it for the highest quality than a little of it for a pile of mediocre. But risk is also necessary for growth, so inevitably there's going to be times that feel like a waste (seriously the worst!), but I'm reminding myself to embrace it and move on. Shout out to the Bay Area for being home to an abundance of cool people, so my risk is really becoming more of a reward!
<3 Taylor
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