What I am referring to is that safe place. The place you go to decompress when you have the worst day. The place you let your guard down. The place you come back to after adventures and exploration. In a word, your constant. Sometimes it's a person, sometimes it's a place, sometimes it's a state of mind. In LA, my home base was a person. Before that, it was a place. Now, it's a state of mind. As much as I crave travel, spontaneity, and new experiences, my lack of a physical home base has been the hardest loss in this move. I miss the stability of my LA life. The freedom of more time to create and daydream. Although LA was far from perfect, there's nothing like the stress of the unknown. Some love the nomadic lifestyle, but I've come to realize my need for a home base to call my own. To let my heart and mind run free, always knowing there's a place to return. To ground me. To share and store those life experiences.
Alone. Even as an introvert, that can be a scary word, but now I view it as an opportunity to disconnect and forge intimate connections with my soul. Indescribable experiences no one else will understand. Private memories to be kept as a secret between me and myself. Don't believe the hype that if you don't share it, it didn't happen. At the end of the day, you're going to live with you forever. You can't love yourself if you don't know yourself. And you can't love others when you don't see your own value. I might not have a permanent residence or partner in my life, but home base is all around me. This city is mine and I am San Francisco's. For better or worse. In the orange glow of the buildings. In the strength I feel every time I venture through the streets on my own. In the peace I feel at the water's edge.
<3 Taylor
Wow. I am so proud of you, little one! Love you to pieces!
ReplyDeletew, Taylor...this made me miss you. I also was really able to resonate with some of your comments.
ReplyDeleteA safe place. It seems that it is a human innate desire to have a shelter -- a "home base". You mentioned how for you it was a person, a place and a state of mind. For me it started with a place. When I was a toddler it was Mommy's lap. As I grew older it was home: where my family abode. A secure and certain place. My home still is a source of comfort and security.
And then as I grew older it became a state of mind. Someone once said "In acceptance lieth peace". It is so true! When we can choose to decide to accept every circumstance as an approved "best" for our life, then stress and uncertainties dim in comparison to that "attitude". Joyfulness is so often a choice...independent of our circumstances. And I could relate to your simple acceptance -- "It's ok I haven't backpacked around the world yet. It's ok I'm not as far in my career as my college freshman self thought I would be by 25..."
Then now, in my adulthood, I have found refuge in a person. The Lord Jesus Christ. You are right, being alone can be a scary condition. Most recently I have learned this is my journey to health. Honestly, being alone in a trial has created an introvert out of me. I know exactly what you mean by disconnecting. I have learned that it's okay to disconnect, as long as there is a balance. Jesus went to the mountains to be alone, but only before serving the multitudes. I have learned to embrace both the loneliness and the connecting of others. I actually believe that I was allowed to endure pain so I could relate to others and help them. (I was just given the opportunity to work at a local natural health center and am also looking into becoming a certified nutritional therapist. Really excited about that!) Maybe you are experiencing aloneness for someone elses' sake... I have chosen Jesus for better or for worse. :) And there is security in being protected. Just as you spoke of ownership in SF and SF of you I have found that same consolation in Him. He is mine and I am His!
Thank you so much for baring your heart for others to see. It's a vulnerable thing to do, but I want you to know I appreciate it. (I just subscribed!) :)
Much love
Hi Toni, this made me miss YOU. :) I hope you can come visit SF or I'll have to make an Idaho trip happen sometime soon!
DeleteI love hearing how you relate to what I wrote. I definitely agree, especially about how joy is a choice. Already I see how some of the trials I've gone through directly correlate to things other people are experiencing and it's so beautiful to truly empathize. It's a bright spot in the pain we endure. To learn deeper sensitivity and be able to help each other through the hard times in a way you can't if everything in your life has been good.
I'm also excited to hear how your job at the local natural health center goes! You'll be in my prayers.
Love and hugs,
Taylor