To Leave Is To Find // 2.23.15

 

As old pains fade into subtle imprints on the heart, the stark realization hits that you're no longer in love. It's lonely without a love to fight for. To fill your thoughts with. Where there was once endless emotion is now emptiness. Not in a sad way, but in a way that demands action and progress. A remolding. With a heart stretched in the most beautiful and the most ugly ways, there's no going back to the person of before and I don't want to. To have felt my heart skip a beat again, I believe there's better. I don't mean better as in easier. I mean something your whole being wants to live for, but won't fight for alone. A shred of hope peaking through the mess. Whether in the form of a person or a dream.

In this last year, I've let go of things that filled my entire post-college life. And the last little bit I'm holding onto is control, but it was never mine to hold. I've become more and more ok with admitting I'm a mess. And not everyone is going to like my mess. But I'm ok with that too. If you can't embrace yourself, it's difficult to accept the embrace of others.

Life is a series of ordinary moments intertwining to make it extraordinary. Sun on skin. Shivers on a foggy day. A smile as a new favorite song plays. Walking a new route to an old destination. These small experiences slowly leading to big changes. When my temp job ended earlier this month, I'd never felt more content. The final push to explore a dream I've held in my heart for years. I always thought I would be the one with a secure job, only quitting once my next plan was fully in place. The free spirit in my heart constantly trumped by the logic and practicality of my mind. But God has a sense of humor when it comes to my life - He knows I would be bored otherwise. This will be the third time I've been unemployed since graduating college. Each time less scary, because it signals an opportunity to listen to the dreamer in my heart. To take an adventure into the unknown. In 3 days, that unknown will be Delhi, India.

Here's a brief description of what I'll be doing: Working with a local organization that supports poor girls in rural communities by teaching them how to make, market and sell traditional textiles like placemats, tablecloths and napkins. Volunteers assist the local team by creating marketing materials, managing social media and doing administrative work, including research and dealing with clients who want to buy the girls’ products. Depending on need, there may also be opportunities to travel outside of Delhi to visit the girls and work directly with them.




Many people have asked me the simple word, "Why?". Despite my many selfish reasons, the ultimate reason is because all I've ever wanted is to impact people's lives for the better. Specifically empowerment through business and self-reliance. I didn't choose India. This program read like the project I'd only created in my dreams, and I finally had the courage to quiet the practical voices in my head. With only 8 short weeks to invest, my effect will be minimal. My money could be donated and potentially touch many more lives. I've had more than a couple mental breakdowns because of finances, but the experience is an intangible gift, and I am so thankful for this privilege.

The most valuable thing I hope to bring back is stories. Stories of the people I work with. Stories of the country and it's culture. Stories of my own experiences. Storytelling is meant to bind us together. The telling, the sharing, the listening, the connections. The underlying theme to my varied passions: music, books, art, (good) marketing, numbers (Yes, analyzing data can tell the best stories!), and travel. My goal is to update this blog with pieces of these stories while I'm gone.


<3 Taylor


P.s. Please keep my health and safety in your prayers!